Le Monde du Merde article:
NEW ORLEANS: As a result of recent
geopolitical and paranormal
upheavals, the normal parameters of America's
hurricane season have shifted and now extend well into
The one moist city most vulnerable to this
metamorphosis is the beloved "Big Easy". Once again
New Orleanians are at the epicenter of hedonism and
hurricanism. The mystical subkrewe Comatose has
learned of this danger from the retired local weather
guru Nash Roberts...well in advance of other
Comatose has remained strictly OFF THE
their preparations for a possible Mardi Gras
Her Majesty Queen Aimee I and
His Majesty King John-Michael I
Theories abound as to why the storm season
1. Excessive media coverage of every tiny
system has created a "blowhard, windbag" effect that
now generates the rare EL NINYO LOCO.
2. Technological advances spearheaded by pornography
have steered giant blowing and sucking winds straight
up the Mississippi River Gulf Outlet.
3. Ever more gigantic cruise ships interfacing with
monstrous overhead power lines have created a
hyperkinetic electromagnetic hurricanic dissonance
4. Home Depot executives and plywood manufacturers
have been seeding the stratosphere during alleged
"experiments" from the space shuttle Endeavour....clandestinely
creating more hurricanes.
5. Pat O'Briens green satellite television dish is
actually beaming molecules of rum into Louisiana's
skies that combine with swamp gas to foment
6. The New Orleans Sewerage and Water Board,
that they will someday finish the Napoleon Avenue
project, have been seen conducting voodoo rituals,
praying that THE BIG ONE will strike and permit them
to begin anew.
7. The success of the local music industry has been
mushrooming...the large number of spinning compact
discs have been the genesis of a clockwise rotation of
melodies into the air that attract all manner of
Confusion and chaos, first cousins to
permeate the ranks of this motley subkrewe. Most male
krewe members heard a call to EJACULATE! instead of
evacuate and prepared to fornicate with a large woman!
While Mayor Nagin fiddles and New Orleans
once brave and fatalistic KREWE OF COMATOSE has been
scared shitless. We have built a commodesque float so
we can EVACUATE! DA BIG ONE IS COMIN'
2002 BreweDoo (The 1st event of the 2003
Comatose enters the brewe-tally competitive world
of KdV home brewing for the first time and shows some promising signs
at the 2002 BreweDoo with Brain Dead Brews by Brewemeister John Michael
---Laudanum Stout and Terminal Ale-ment.